Checking up on your boyfriend’s phone has been pretty normalized these days but I’m going to be the voice of reason for a second and tell you that’s crazy. Needing to have his passwords and creep on his messages when he leaves the room is a huge red flag. Ask yourself these questions to see if it’s indicative of a much bigger issue.
1. IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY? If you’re being totally honest with yourself, is your relationship with this guy a healthy one? Does he give you love and loyalty and do you give it back? My guess is there are some unresolved issues under there if you are paranoid about his phone and what he is doing. Maybe those issues are within yourself, or maybe they need to be worked out as a couple but don’t sweep them under the rug.
2. HAS HE EVER CHEATED? Does this guy have a past? Obviously, if he’s cheated on you (or anyone else for that matter) you’re going to have some trust issues. Maybe you’re reaching for your phone because you think he hasn’t changed. On the other hand, maybe you’re struggling to let go of the past and give him the chance to redeem himself.
3. IS HE ACTING SHADY OR ARE YOU? Even if he has a past, is he faithful to you now? If he loves you unconditionally and isn’t trying to hide anything from you, you don’t have any reason to be worried about what goes on when you aren’t around. On the other hand, if he’s acting shady and doesn’t show his commitment to you regularly, that’s a red flag.
4. HAS HE GIVEN YOU A REASON NOT TO TRUST HIM? If he’s doing his part and being faithful, why aren’t you giving him your trust? Relationships shouldn’t feel like a battlefield full of trust-mines—when you’re in a healthy relationship, it just isn’t that complicated. You should be able to let him go places, talk to people and live his life without questioning the most basic values of trust in him.
5. ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT OTHER GIRLS THAT AREN’T YOU? Be honest. It’s so easy to dream up the worst case scenario in your head when you see a pretty girl in a photo with your guy, but you can’t trust your emotions all the time. Do you have a real reason to be worried about that girl or are your insecurities just setting in? Reminder: If a guy’s serious about you, he’s serious about ONLY you. Take notes.